By Jane A Malkoff MSN RN NP
Care givers provide support predominantly out of compassion which is driven by a powerful desire to be of help to a loved one. Most care givers take on the role with little concern for the impact it will have on their own personal hopes and desires. Care giving at its best is motivated by honorable beliefs about the value of helping a loved one with specific needs that the loved one cannot manage on their own. It is a beautiful human characteristic.
Care giving comes in many forms of responsibility from buying groceries, preparing foods, setting up medications, driving to appointments, paying bills, monitoring care in assisted living or skilled nursing buildings, to complete 24/hour hands-on care in the home.
However, like all worthwhile endeavors, educating oneself about what to expect is the best way to prepare for and to manage any big responsibility. Identifying the expected stressors is the first step to finding the supports and solutions needed when difficulty strikes.
Here are several stressors frequently reported by care givers. It is understood there are equally wonderful parts to being a care giver, but for now, let’s take this time to be truthful about the hard stuff.
- I am grieving. I miss the relationship that used to be between us. In some ways it feels like a death of what was.
- I do not want to do anything wrong or make mistakes because I feel I am being scrutinized by my family for the decisions I am making. It is so difficult to please everyone involved, and we do not always agree on how things need to be done.
- It is aggravating at times because it takes so long to do things. They want things done their way when their way is not the most efficient or effective way, and it takes up so much more time and energy of which I have very little extra.
- I want to be able to take little breaks, but I not only must find someone to assist me when I take a break, but I also have to schedule my breaks at set times versus having freedom to come and go.
- It costs a lot to pay for help or to go to a high quality care setting and I don’ know how much money we are going to need later for care and services.
- I am exhausted with all the advice I get. I just want to share my feelings and have someone simply listen and support the decision I have made to do this level of care giving right now.
- Intellectually I understand many people are care givers, yet I feel very isolated in my role which is worsened by the lack of quality communication in the health care system.
I am interested in learning about your care giver stressors and solutions. Email jane@claritycaregivers.com